Positive Discipline, or my "Ah Ha" Parenting Moment

With our first child my husband and I had decided we weren't going to spank. He had vague memories of spanking and they were not fond ones. My memories were vivid and I certainly did not want to hit my children. There have been many a moment where I have thought for a second about breaking my vow, but have stuck by it. "But how can you discipline, if you don't hit?", a friend asked a while back.
Well, that's hard to explain to other parents who come from the point of view that says, 'I was spanked and I came out okay.' But I'll try anyway, Lysa Parker, co-founder of Attachment Parenting International described it once on the show this way; 'discipline comes from the word disciple, children should learn by example and not by corporal punishment.' I should be teaching my children, not hitting them. But how? *
Well, I think I've tried everything. Then I watched an episode of the Supper Nanny and thought, "This is it!" My husband and I fell in love with the naughty pillow/step/chair/whatever. We loved that it allowed us to be in control without resorting to violence. However, there was a part of me that felt somehow, I could do things differently.
I recently read a great article by Debra Carlson in Mothering Magazine in the July*August 2008 issue, called time in. She asks the same question, "but what was I really teaching them? I was teaching my sons that, when strong emotions erupted into hurtful behavior, there was one"good" boy and one "bad" boy. I was teaching them that, just at the moment they felt least in control-because they had suddenly become "victim" and "aggressor"-

This blew me away and I was further intrigued by a recent interview with Dayna Martin Radical Unschooler, on my radio show. She brought up trust a lot. Trusting your kids to make good decisions when you treat them with respect and allow them the freedom to discover who they are. Wow, freedom, respect...almost every book and magazine article out there is telling us how to discipline, punish, mold, train our kids. These concepts, although not foreign to me were certainly foreign in the way I'd been parenting till now. This is no easy thing to admit, but I think it's one of the first steps I need to take in order to give my girls freedom and respect.

She said that for her punishing her children was as ridiculous to her as punishing her husband. Treating her children with the same respect and courtesy as her husband? Could I do this? Why wasn't I already doing this? Why does a part of me think this is crazy while the other part of me is sitting up and going "OH!"?
So, I actually proposed to my 5 year old (going on 15) that I was no longer going to institute the 5 minute time in. She said "What happens if I do something really bad? Then I'll get a time in right?" Just the fact that she asked that really made me think that this was going to work after all. Had I 'trained' my innocent-just-been-here-on-the-planet-5-years now child that she needed to be punished? I let her know that, no, we would talk instead about what happened and try to resolve our issues like daddy and I do. She looked puzzled, and then slowly a look of gratitude came over her and she came up to me and hugged my very round 9 months pregnant belly, kissed it and ran off to her room to play. I'll keep you posted on our progress.

Wish me luck!

(For more on API's stance on positive discipline go to www.attachmentparenting.org)

Child Birth Education in Fresno revised...

So what's the big deal about taking classes from an independent source? Independent instructors are not paid by the doctors office or the hospital. So they are not influenced in their teaching. If a Child Birth Educator works at a hospital where it is their policy to have continuous fetal heart monitoring there is little chance that in that class you will be told the cons of that policy. Independent instructors hands are not tied when it comes to letting you know what your rights and choices are when you are in labor at the hospital.

The tendency at hospital and Dr.'s offices classes is to let you know what to expect from them. An independent instructor is more inclined to let you know what to expect and what your choices are when you are confronted by the things you can expect to happen in labor, so you can make informed choices. You are not likely to hear about the many dangers involved with (for example) getting an epidural (there are many). Most physicians and hospital instructors are not likely to explain these to women, so as not to scare them. As sweet as that may be, it is not informed consent which is every mom/new parents right. Your baby is counting on you for love, nourishment, shelter and advocacy. No one loves or could love your baby like you do. You owe it to yourself and your baby to learn as much as you can, from the right sources.

A report issued in October states that the US maternity-care system continues to rely on costly practices that endanger birthing women and their new born children.
The report, Evidence-Based Maternity Care by Carol Sakala and Maureen P.Corry (Milbank Memorial Fund, 2008), charges that ineffective and/or risky practices such as drugs, treatments, tests, monitoring, and surgeries are alarmingly overused, while the following proven, cost-effective, low-intervention practices are widely underused:
*continuous support through labor (such as provided by a Doula)
*measures that increase comfort and facilitate labor
*upright and side-lying birthing positions
*delayed clamping of umbilical cord
*early skin-to-skin contact between baby and mother
*when possible access to vaginal birth after cesarean (more than nine in ten women with previous cesareans now have repeat cesareans.

Doctor's fear of litigation and the financial incentives of costlier procedures, rather than medical necessity, are listed as reasons that less-intensive care is not provided more often.

The report issues recommendations to rectify the gaps between the procedures research dictates are best and those that are actually used.

Read the full report and get more info at:
www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10575

In Fresno you can take Independent Childbirth Education Courses from Bradley, Lamaze and ALACE, and Birthing From Within. For a list of Instructors and more info please email me at mommymattersonline@sbcglobal.net

Homeschooling Hits a High, a timely topic, tune in to 88.1 this Thursday for more Info...

More kids are learning at home according to the US Department of Education's Center for Education Statistics, 1.5 million children were homeschooled in 2007-an increase of 74 percent from 1999.
We will talk more about this topic on Progressive Parenting this Thursday at 1pm on 88.1 FM KFCF the Valley's Frees Speech Radio. Tune in and call with questions or comments. Our email is progressiveparenting@kfcf.org. Call us at the station with questions or suggestions 559-266-8888.
Here is Dayna Martin with more on last weeks topic: Unschooling...

Lactivists stage nurse-in on Facebook,

Back in Dec of '08 11,500 Facebook Subscribers replaced their Profile photographs with images of breastfeeding, in opposition to Facebook's removal of breastfeeding photographs from users accounts. The group formed in June of 2007 in response to Facebook's claim that photographs of breastfeeding violate Facebook's terms of use by displaying nudity and posing danger to children who use the site

December 27, 2008 saw the first ever Facebook virtual nurse-in, with 11,700 users protesting against Facebook’s removal of breastfeeding photos and the closing down of mother’s accounts. 11,700 photos of breastfeeding women went up with 11,700 corresponding statuses pronouncing "Hey Facebook, Breastfeeding is not obscene."

The group of the same name saw their membership rise by a staggering 17,000 in the weeks leading up to the nurse-in to reach 79,000 (the group now has @ 209,957 members). The virtual nurse-in was accompanied by an in-person nurse-in at the Californian Offices of Facebook.

Nurse-in Round Two

Unfortunately Saturday, February 21 was scheduled for the next virtual nurse-in, with Facebook users again being asked to post a breastfeeding image to their profile and to have the words "Hey Facebook, breastfeeding is NOT obscene" in their status for that day.

So since/if you missed it:

A letter campaign is running in conjunction with the virtual nurse in. The Hey Facebook...group has a list of points to consider to include in your letter to Facebook. The points include:

* Women breastfeeding, with or without much breast exposure, are not performing a sexual act. Their breasts and parts of them are not classified as sex organs.

* Facebook's deletion of many breastfeeding photos stigmatizes breastfeeding. Its description of some ways of doing it as obscene is wrong and demeans and insults women.

* Breastfeeding is not inherently a private or intimate activity. Almost all American states have passed laws promoting breastfeeding and allowing it in public in the manner a woman chooses (as do most industrialized countries around the world).

* Women post breastfeeding photos because others want to see their children doing things that are healthy and important, such as eating.

* Women post breastfeeding photos because breastfeeding is a normal part of their day and what they do as mothers.

(A full list of points and more information on the letter writing campaign can be found at the MILC event information page on Facebook.)

They are asking that letters arrive from around the world, not just the United States and should be posted to:

Attn: Sheryl Sandberg
Chief Operating Officer
Facebook
156 University Ave.
Palo Alto, CA 94301-1605

Or faxed to 650-543-4801

Ensure your friends, relatives, work colleagues and neighbours know about the letter writing campaign and understand how to participate.

How can Face book be on the cutting edge of social networking if it remains in the dark ages? Propagating erroneous beliefs about breastfeeding and acting inappropriately as the moral police, is pretty square and not at all hip and new or young. Breastfeeding women now have to take the same fight into a new and untested public domain. Don't complain to each other...do something, today!

see also: www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/12/31/business/main4693214.shtml
www.chicagotribune.com/features/health/chi-talk-breastfeedingdec31,0,922482.story

Notes: All info for this blog was taken from Mothering Magazine March-April 2009 issue and type-a mom article by jodi cleghorn

Just passing along vital info...

Child Birth Education in Fresno

Every day I get three or four phone calls asking me about where to take Childbirth Education Classes in Fresno. Many people will say, "I was thinking about taking a Lamaze class at such and such hospital. For starters there are no hospitals in Fresno County that teach LAMAZE. You must be a certified Lamaze Instructor to teach LAMAZE. You can go to www.lamaze.org to find certified Lamaze instructors in town. When you do you will find that Lisa Gartin RN is the only instructor in Fresno that teaches independently of a hospital or Dr.s office. There are two 'Lamaze Classes taught at Omni Womens, however they are not official Lamaze Courses in that the class is not a total of twelve hours long.

So what's the big deal about taking classes from an independent source? Independent instructors are not paid by the doctors office or the hospital. So they are not influenced in their teaching. If a Child Birth Educator works at a hospital where it is their policy to have continuous fetal heart monitoring there is little chance that in that class you will be told the cons of that policy. Independent instructors hands are not tied when it comes to letting you know what your rights and choices are when you are in labor at the hospital.

The tendency at hospital and Dr.'s offices classes is to let you know what to expect from them. An independent instructor is more inclined to let you know what to expect and what your choices are when you are confronted by the things you can expect to happen in labor, so you can make informed choices. You are not likely to hear about the many dangers involved with (for example) getting an epidural (there are many). Most physicians and hospital instructors are not likely to explain these to women, so as not to scare them. As sweet as that may be, it is not informed consent which is every mom/new parents right. Your baby is counting on you for love, nourishment, shelter and advocacy. No one loves or could love your baby like you do. You owe it to yourself and your baby to learn as much as you can, from the right sources.

A report issued in October states that the US maternity-care system continues to rely on costly practices that endanger birthing women and their new born children.
The report, Evidence-Based Maternity Care by Carol Sakala and Maureen P.Corry (Milbank Memorial Fund, 2008), charges that ineffective and/or risky practices such as drugs, treatments, tests, monitoring, and surgeries are alarmingly overused, while the following proven, cost-effective, low-intervention practices are widely underused:
*continuous support through labor (such as provided by a Doula)
*measures that increase comfort and facilitate labor
*upright and side-lying birthing positions
*delayed clamping of umbilical cord
*early skin-to-skin contact between baby and mother
*when possible access to vaginal birth after cesarean (more than nine in ten women with previous cesareans now have repeat cesareans.

Doctor's fear of litigation and the financial incentives of costlier procedures, rather than medical necessity, are listed as reasons that less-intensive care is not provided more often.

The report issues recommendations to rectify the gaps between the procedures research dictates are best and those that are actually used.

Read the full report and get more info at:
www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10575

Mommy Matters Online Wants to Know If You're a Beta Mom

I was reading the Lactavist's blog and heard a new term to describe some moms.It was Beta Moms.

What's a beta mom?

"Beta Moms still want their kids to be successful, but they don't believe that helping their kids reach their goals necessarily involves over achievement or keeping up with what other people define as "norms." In their efforts to adjust to the myriad challenges and stressors in their lives, many moms are beginning to believe that it's more about balance than perfection.

Beta Moms’ hair may not always be perfect or their homes spotless, but they’re okay with that. For many, their lessened anxiety makes it all worthwhile. They’ve liberated themselves from feeling the pressure to do it all, and now they believe that as long as their kids are healthy and happy, they don’t need to.

Beta moms...slackers and proud of it. Are you with me?"

I think a lot of moms are starting to ignore what magazines and T.V. tell them Mom's should be and look like. I personally don't like being summed up in a word, but as far as summaries go...I think it's right on. What do you think?

Unschooling on Progressive Parenting

Today's show was on UNSCHOOLING. I know many people are familiar with Homeschooling but not Unschooling. Our guest today was Dayna Martin. Dayna is a Natural Parenting Advocate, Natural Childbirth Educator, Breastfeeding Counselor, Certified Doula, and founder of The Baby wearing Project. She is also a freelance writer who has been published in Live Free, Learn Free magazine and Life Learning magazine. She has four "truly free" children and a peacefully-loud husband whom she lives and learns with everyday. Their family recently appeared on "The Dr. Phil Show" introducing mainstream society to the ideals of radical unschooling.

To give you a taste of what it means to unschool here is a snippet from her site:

"For the involved parent facilitating their child's learning with an environment rich with resources, attending school is completely unnecessary. Unschooled children do not have to deal with typical peer pressure. They are not graded or measured. They are not segregated by age. They are not bullied, or moved around by bells. Also Unschooled kids do not have to be away from their families. They do not have to ask permission to go to the bathroom or move from their seats. They also do not have a mundane life living someone else's agenda. In short, our Unschooled children are truly free.

Radical Unschooling is an evolution of our understanding about learning and the rights and respect of children. We are on the cusp of change and many people are looking for alternatives to the traditional schooling model. With Unschooling, we are reprioritizing. We are taking back our freedom and putting happiness, connection and family first!"

The following may help shed some light on the topic...but if you would like more info please go to www.unschoolingamerica.com

Tune in next week and the following as we continue our discussion regarding school and the different options people have here in the Valley when it comes to education and their children. Call us during the show with questions or comments or suggestions: 559-266-8888



also an instructor from Coil Yoga called and let us know she is teaching a yoga class for kids here is more info:

COIL Kids Yoga with Sarah
Date: Saturdays, February 7th- March 28th


,
Time: 8:30 am-9:30 am
Location: COIL Yoga, Studio B
Cost: $12.00 drop in for kids or use a Kids Class Card.

COIL Kids Yoga is a 7-week session that runs consecutive Saturdays starting February 7th and ending on the 28th of March. In this session children ages 6-12 will be a part of a fun filled yoga inspired class that will incorporate a yogic theme each week. The classes will involve simple breathing techniques, reclining, seated, and standing poses that engage the imagination and soothe and calm the nervous system. Each class will build on these yoga fundamentals through experiential learning. Yoga is a wonderful way for kids to release physical tension, help them focus and concentrate, and feel peaceful by engaging in stretching and strengthening exercises synchronized with their breathing. The main goal of this camp is to offer kids a way to enjoy yoga through exercise, games, song, and laughter.

Please email or call to reserve your space: 559-270-4709

please email me and let me know what topics you would like more information on:
www.mommymattersonline@sbcglobal.net

Circumcision

Mommy Matters Online and Progressive Parenting Radio Show feel very strongly about parents having informed consent, before making important decisions regarding their health. We do not set out to make parents feel bad about their choices, our only intent is to help new parents find out what their options are before making tough decisions and to let them know they are not alone. Our doctor told us, when we asked about circumcision, that "it doesn't hurt the baby and why wouldn't we want the baby to look like his father? That was all the information we received. Luckily we didn't have to make a decision as our second child was a girl. We are about to have a third child and do not know the sex of the baby, and one of our relatives asked me if we were going to or not and when I said no they were surprised. So I thought now would be a good time to blog about this topic again. For more information on where MOST doctors stand on this topic go to www.nocirc.org and click on doctors opposing circumcision Genital integrity Statement. Regarding the following video: Be sure to watch part 1 first, wait a second and when it says part 1 click on the video and it will play. Part 2 is a bit graphic, but so is the procedure.