Time-In, Positive Discipline

With our first child my husband and I had decided we weren't going to spank. He had vague memories of spanking and they were not fond ones. My memories were vivid and I certainly did not want to hit my children. There have been many a moment where I have thought for a second about breaking my vow, but have stuck by it. "But how can you discipline, if you don't hit?", a friend asked a while back.
Well, that's hard to explain to other parents who come from the point of view that says, 'I was spanked and I came out okay.' But I'll try anyway, here goes, discipline comes from the word disciple, children should learn by example and not by corporal punishment. I should be teaching my children, not hitting them. But how?
Well, I think I've tried everything. Then I watched an episode of the Supper Nanny and thought, "This is it!" My husband and I fell in love with the naughty pillow/step/chair/whatever. We loved that it allowed us to be in control without resorting to violence. However, there was a part of me that felt somehow, I could do things differently.
I recently read a great article by Debra Carlson in Mothering Magazine in the July*August 2008 issue, called time in. She asks the same question, "but what was I really teaching them? I was teaching my sons that, when strong emotions erupted into hurtful behavior, there was one"good" boy and one "bad" boy. I was teaching them that, just at the moment they felt least in control-because they had suddenly become "victim" and "aggressor"-
This blew me away and I was further intrigued by a recent interview with Dayna Martin Radical Unschooler, on my radio show. She brought up trust a lot. Trusting your kids to make good decisions when you treat them with respect and allow them the freedom to discover who they are.
She said that for her punishing her children was as ridiculous to her as punishing her husband. Treating her children with the same respect and courtesy as her husband? Could I do this? Why wasn't I already doing this? Why does a part of me think this is crazy while the other part of me is sitting up and going "OH!"?
So, I actually proposed to my 5 year old (going on 15) that I was no longer going to institute the 5 minute time in. She said "What happens if I do something really bad? Then I'll get a time in right?" Just the fact that she asked that really made me think that this was going to work after all. Had I 'trained' my innocent-just-been-here-on-the-planet-5-years now child that she needed to be punished? I let her know that, no, we would talk instead about what happened and try to resolve our issues like daddy and I do. She looked puzzled, and then slowly a look of gratitude came over her and she came up to me and hugged my very round 9 months pregnant belly, kissed it and ran off to her room to play. I'll keep you posted on our progress. Wish me luck!